Whether we focus on these larger events or on our own daily lives, we can easily get trapped by things that feel extremely dark, heavy and constricting. When we focus here, it can feel as if there is no escape.
It is always important to feel what we feel – to take stock, to notice, to process our emotions and let them flow through us. From here, we can ask for and offer support, we can have compassion – for ourselves and others, we can give, contribute and be from a deeper place.
I always talk to clients about focus – where are you focusing? When we are overwhelmed by life events, ours or someone else’s, it can be helpful to simply remember Lightness. Sometimes Lightness needs a bit of coaxing, some attention before it’s ready to come in. I had an experience with a client a while back that illustrates this well.
As we began our coaching conversation, it was evident that there was a heaviness in her voice and that she was in a place that was a little dark. At first I did my coaching best to open some doors and windows to let a little light in. She was having nothing of it. And she told me that actually, what she needed was to have someone accept where she was and just be there with her. At first, I felt like I had done her a disservice by not being able to read how deeply she was in the darkness. I acknowledged her ability to really say what she needed. She told me she had never done that before and I realized how beneficial her honesty and request (and me missing what I missed) was for both her and for me. I honored her request and remained with her where she was – we explored the darkness a bit, not judging it or resisting it; we were just there with it.
As we spoke, an interesting thing happened. I listened mostly and just let her explore what was around her – some of the thoughts and the feelings that were going on. Once the resistance to the darkness was gone, I heard an acceptance, an allowance. Then, with just a nudge of questioning from me, she started shifting over to things that brought her comfort, even in these times of darkness. For example, one of the things she found most enjoyable was gratitude. As soon as she sad this, her voice softened and I heard the slightest lilt in her voice. There was an energy that had been absent up until this point and now it was back, as her voice is usually very full of energy. She started listing ALL the things she was grateful for right now. It was a long, beautiful list of large and small things. By this point, there was a day and night difference between the sound of her voice at the beginning of the call & now. I won’t say the darkness was gone; but there was a lightness around or in the midst of the darkness. And I heard that she had found HER light – something to support her, to guide her.
By bringing in a bit of Lightness in some way we can feel relief, we can feel momentum, direction, hope, connection.
So how do you let YOUR light in? How do you connect with that light when there’s a lot of darkness around? Do you have a tool that works for you – like my client? What helps YOU feel lighter? Does gratitude bring in a little light? Is it laughter perhaps? Maybe it’s spending time with children – those beautiful beings who are often refreshingly present, accepting and honest. Or maybe it’s connecting with a certain person or pet or an activity like singing, gardening, dancing or some creative endeavor. It could be spending time in nature or somewhere with special memories or energy. It could also be spending time quietly by yourself – either journaling or just being. Maybe it is being truly present, with yourself or someone else. And maybe it’s actually appreciating the light – literally. Watching how the light shines and illuminates certain things in certain ways can be an excellent way to feel the light emerging inside.
Knowing how you connect with the light gives you a lot of information You can use this information, when things feel heavy. It doesn’t mean we always will or want to escape the heaviness. It does mean that we can use these things that help us connect with lightness when we’re ready – you can choose to focus on Lightness.